


Sakura

by Kaiia



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:08:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23112229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiia/pseuds/Kaiia
Summary: Clutching his book, it takes a couple of tries for Kaneki to understand kanji all over again. The image of Hide, happy and blushing, eyes wide & earnest, keep flashing into his mind.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi, hidekane - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	Sakura

It's a lazy wednesday afternoon and they dont have any classes at this time. They are both on the couch, doing nothing in particular when out of the blue Kaneki blurts "Hide."

"Hm?" Hide responds tearing himself away from his phone game.

Kaneki fidgets with his cuff. "Nevermind. It's nothing." He hides his face behind a book.

"No, really. What is it?" Hide says while nudging his shoulder.

After getting nothing but silence, Hide's nudging intensifies.

Kaneki finally sighs, then snorts, putting his book down. He looks at the ceiling instead of his friend.

"Its uh. Your eyelashes."

"What about them?"

Kaneki stalls a bit longer humming. When Hide kicks him, he gives. "Ouch! It was nothing. They're really long, that's all." He rubs his calf peevishly.

Hide blinks.

Kaneki quickly turns and curls into his book, blood rushing into his face and ears. He saw it on Hide's face. He gave it away. Now Hide knows he's been staring.

Hide blinks again. Then breathes out, eyes brown and wide. "Yeah?"

Kaneki nods, watching him again, unable to look away for long. He's been hopeless lately, he notes. Staring at Hide, uncharistically asking to come over without too much a reason, actually starting more conversations. 

He thought he would need less of Hide now that he was both free of his aunt and of his classmates. Without the reminder of his mother and situation, all those things seem more far away now. He has his own place and more time to himself but also less time with Hide. 

Or maybe its the same amount but somehow without the worry of his family weighing on his mind, he now has more room to acknowledge just how hungry he feels. He needs more of him, aches to see him, almost verging on desperation. And Kaneki doesnt know what to do with these emotions. 

"Yeah." He responds, voice a bit shaky. He clears his throat and turns, willing himself to finish his book.

Hide makes a happy noise, scooching closer. He continues his videogame, shoulders dancing. 

Clutching his book, it takes a couple of tries for Kaneki to understand kanji all over again. The image of Hide, happy and blushing, eyes wide & earnest, keep flashing into his mind.

\------------------------

It's a chilly day on the park today, autumn turning into winter soon. It is so cold, Kaneki almost thinks about cancelling the outing. But when Hide approaches him, running towards him while waving his arms with the energy of a five year old, the thought vanishes. Hide crashes into him, giving him a crushing hug hello. When he steps back he notes Hide's flushed face and shining eyes. Kaneki's heart stutters. His body inflates with nerves & the feeling threatens to overwhelm him.

They're later strolling by the sakura trees when he can no longer take it and blurts, "I think i love you." 

"Huh?" 

Kaneki balks, taking a step back. That is definately not something he planned but he nods to himself and finds the courage to look at Hide's eyes.

"Uh, well. It's not just that i like spending time with you, which i do, it's just that. It's,-"

He balls his hands into fists then unsqueezes.

Hide patiently waits, eyes wide & searching

"I love you." He repeats, this time firmer.

"Are you confesing? Kaneki..."

"And I know you like me too. I've been ignoring it & I'm sorry. That wasn't right. I should have adressed your feelings."

Hide looks like he's about to say something but Kaneki cuts him off.

"I don't think I can be a good person for you. I don't think we should pursue this." He points to the two of them. "I just think its better that you'd know. I want to make things right." 

Hurt and confusion flash into Hide's face but Kaneki forces himself to not turn away.

"I just- Kaneki. Aughhh." He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even more.

"Damn it, Kaneki. You can't just dump this on me then cut to making decisions for me."

Kaneki tries to surpress his flinch. He knew this would upset him.

"You can't just decide for me. What? You don't think I wouldn't want to, I don't know, deal with your faults? Because I already do, I already knew you knew. I stay by your side willingly Kaneki. I know you. Well I know you hide a lot from me and that's okay."

Despite trying to avoid it, Kaneki felt his throat constricting & tears prickling.

"I- Hide. It's not. You don't know how much- You care about me that's true but. I don't think you should. And it's still bad that I don't let you know things. It hurts you when I dont trust you. I see it. I want to make things right."

Hide shakes his head.

"I want to be by your side." He reaches for Kaneki's shoulder, squeezing, eyes wide and expression sincere. "It doesnt mattter to me even if it does hurt sometimes."

Kaneki shakes his head and steps back. "You're not hearing yourself. I don't like seeing you hurt. And I don't like that it's me. It wont change, I'm not that great. I keep doing this."

Now Hide's starting to get more frustrated. "Don't you think that's my decision? Whether its good for me or not?"

Kanekis eyes water but he holds it in. "It's not. Not completely. I'm involved, too, Hide. And I'm saying no."

Hide pinches his forehead, then rubs. He's grabbing the railing now, knuckles white.

This not how planned his evening to pan out. He's never seen Hide this upset. Or at least not this openly and not with him. He swallows. He knew this wouldnt turn out okay but he's not backing down from his decision. 

Hide must have seen something in his face or posture because he stops whatever he was about to say then sighs, defeated shoulders slumping. 

"Okay. That's fine, Kaneki." He's removes his hand from the railing and places them in his pocket, looking at the ground, kicking a foot around. He looks like a kid playing alone in a playground and Kaneki hates it. He swallows his apologies and instead says, "Okay, Hide."

"Are we still friends?" Hide looks up and asks, his eyes pleading.

Kaneki finally looks away, burrying his face into his own scarf. He's never liked seeing Hide upset. Especially when he's at fault. It makes him feel like his chest is full of jagged rocks. He scuffs his shoe, mirroring Hide.

"I think we should take a break from hanging out so much. But yes. Still friends."

He knows he's hurting him. That this is making him ache. Hide can't stand to be alone. Kaneki is one of his few genuine bonds. Kaneki hates it. He allowed that.

He tries to look somewhere near his face when he says, "I want you try to meet different people okay? Like actually try, Hide. You're too wonderful to be only known by me."

He doesn't let Hide answer, turning way and walking briskly. He can't hear anything but the blood rushing into his ears.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. This has been in my drafts for half a year! im not much of a writer but this is among my most legible so i wanted to share
> 
> Theres a second part planned with a happy ending dont worry.
> 
> Leave a comment please 📩 i would love to hear what you think


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